Turning left

I was on the campus on Springhill College tonight for a program of the Christian Jewish Dialogue. Springhill is a beautiful campus at the highest point in Mobile. I was looking for Byrne Hall and entered the campus as I normally do, from the Dauphin Street side, and began to cut through the golf course. As I began to pass by familiar buildings in a direction that used to take one across campus, I discovered a parking lot and sidewalks. Hmm. I backtracked and began a journey to the other side of campus and the Avenue of Oaks where I knew that Byrne Hall was. Past the baseball field, through the dorms, past Stewardfield, and down the Avenue, where I could see the hall across the soccer field. But I couldn't get to it. So I backed up. This went on for about 20 minutes. Finally, when I found myself at my starting point, I asked a student where to get to my destination. He directed me back around the ball field and dorms and said "when you get to a point where you either have to go left or right, turn left...and then keep going." Just before I drove away, he repeated that sentence. "When you get to a point where you have to go left or right, turn left." As I drove away, I chuckled and thought to myself how many times in my life should I have just turned left?

I love being on college campuses. That strikes me as funny since college was not the greatest experience for me in the beginning.  I went away too soon to the wrong school with no clear direction. Small town. No car. Knew no one. Painfully afraid and unsure. It was a miserable year.

The rest of my undergraduate career was a series of mistakes and misturns. Two transfers, 3 major changes, and a lot of heartache. When graduation finally came I swore that was it. I was finished with school. Well, that was two Masters degrees ago. And if it didn't cost so damn much, I'd probably pick another subject and do it again.

Some of this is a love of learning. But as I was driving thru the campus tonight, I saw students playing soccer, walking to the dining hall, digging thru backpacks. I looked thru the lights of the windows covered in fraternity letters and purple Badger banners. What I realized was that I envied them. For them it's all new. All out in front of them for the first time. And I really, really wish I had the ability to go back to start college again for the first time, and get it right.

I wonder. Where would I be if I had taken my parent's advice and stayed home for a year and got my feet wet? Where would I be if I had listened to my English 101 professor's suggestion and majored in Journalism? Where would I be if I had gone to a school and experienced college and all it's supposed to be instead of taking a full load and working all the time? Would I be married or have a family? Would I have a more fulfilling career? Where would I be if I'd just closed my eyes, and turned left? 

The answer, of course, is that I don't know. And the rest of the story is that there are people and places and experiences that I would not have had if any of my life had been different.  And I know I can't live a life of regret, although I'll admit that's a tough pill to swallow when I look at my student loans and degrees that seem to be getting me no where. Of course I wish that I could quit my job and decide tomorrow that I'm just going to write, or bake, or go back to school for something really cool like historical preservation or anthropoghy or religion and start this trek all over, but unfortunately bills and responsiblity will not allow, and the department of education and South Alabama won't let me trade in the degrees I have. So I guess I just keep moving forward and try to get to that place that fulfills me, whereever that turns out to be. But oh, to have a chance for a do-over - to have it all in front of me again. To have the chance to get to that point where you have to turn right or left...

I found Byrne Hall. Once I turned left and followed the road to the end, instead of stopping when I got uncomfortable, I found I was right where I needed to be.